So you vowed before God, family and community to love, honor and cherish each other….forever. Only now, 2 kids, 2 demanding full-time careers, years of silence, shouting, disappointment, disillusionment and a $350,000 mortgage later you realize that in your idealistic youth ….you may have made a mistake.

 So now what? What happens when happily ever after turns out to be …not. What happens when you’ve tried the counseling, you’ve tried adjusting your perspective, you’ve tried staying as busy as possible and now you both have come to the conclusion that you would both like to try something else – somewhere else.

 Well, as long as we’re in the world of true love fairy tales, what would happen if you really could honor your vows – even if you now chose to live apart? What if you could treat each other with honor and respect and yes, even love, as you negotiate through the delicate process of restructuring a family?

 Even in the best of situations, a potential family restructuring such as separation, divorce or remarriage can take an enormous toll on the emotional and even physical well being of all family members. Everyone is stressed, confused, afraid and overwhelmed. Family conflict and divorce scenarios involving loud recriminations, emotional escalations and expensive litigation only serve to make a bad situation worse.

 But what if there was another way…. What if there was a way to mend or at least preserve family relationships that have become fragile, regardless of whether the family continues to live together in the traditional sense.

 Well, there is another way. Whether you suspect some distance, time apart and professional support may provide a chance for perspective and healing or even if you have decided that there is no alternative left but to forward separately, there are a number of new tools available to assist families through difficult times.

 These tools approach family transitions from the view that family is forever, even for families that live apart, and these tools work to honor that reality. Rather than viewing the process of separation and divorce as a destructive, take no prisoners, rending of the marital vows, the process is viewed as a collaborative restructuring. As with any restructuring, the external form of the family may change, but the underlying goals and values remain the same. Even in the midst of drastic change, there can still be a respect for the truth that once a couple is married, and even more so if they have children together, there is always a part of their selves and their history that is shared. In some sense, even if it is remote, there will always be that past family bond. Not even divorce can take away that reality. If children are involved then there is an undeniable, living truth to the connection that was once was. Especially when children are involved, family really is forever.

 So you think it might be time to explore the possibilities of a family restructuring, even if you hope it to be just a temporary respite, in order to regroup and move forward together. So what are these tools and how would they work for you?

 Some of the tools, such as counseling and mediation, are already well known, but not widely used until it is far too late. When conflict has escalated and family relations have deteriorated significantly, sometimes more intensive assistance may be appropriate. In this case, new non-legal alternatives involve marriage and family coaching or parental and blended family consultants are available.  However, if numerous non legal options have been explored and it appears that separation or divorce may be imminent but you are loathe to contemplate divorce litigation, a process called Collaborative Law is available to fill the gap.

 Collaborative Law is a revolutionary approach to family conflict that is receiving national media attention and recognition in the family courts due its success. Collaborative Law offers all the benefits of non-legal support, as well as all the benefits of having your own legal advisor to provide legal advice and advocate for you, without the risk of the conflict escalating into contentious and expensive litigation. In many cases, the non-legal and legal professionals will all work together with the family members towards finding a solution that is best for all members of the family. Sometimes that collaborative effort even results in finding a way to live together after all.

 “What” you say? Lawyers working to keep families together? Now that really is a fairy tale! “But, it’s true!” Collaborative law offers a creative, solution oriented legal process focused on healing and …. collaboration. Each party has their own attorney advocate to represent and guide them through the transition period. If other financial or therapeutic professionals are needed, or desired, they can be brought into the process as well. Collaborative law attorneys have specialized training, designed to maximize their ability to achieve long term, satisfying solutions for their clients. Usually they are trained in both mediation and collaborative law.

 “Exactly how does this work”, you say? Well, in order for the process to be truly “collaborative”, each attorney must sign a “no court” contract restricting them from representing their client in litigation. This contract provides several incentives for both client and attorney to work together to achieve a solution that will meet the client’s needs and stand the test of time.

 “What” you say? Lawyers who won’t litigate? What’s the point in that? The point is results! Fast, inexpensive, long lasting results. Results that maintain personal and relationship integrity for all parties. The collaborative law approach is designed to provide the advantages of legal resources and advocacy to resolve family conflicts in a healthy, mutually satisfying, less expensive, solution oriented process. It is simply not possible to achieve ANY of those goals through litigation.

 The hallmark of the collaborative process is respect. The goal is to help each family member negotiate through a time of transition or restructuring in a way that maintains, rather than destroys, personal integrity, financial resources, vital family bonds and family history. The goal is to develop a process with the family that allows them to move forward with respect for each other, even if they move forward apart.

 Now this sort of process won’t be for everyone, but if you think it might be for you, then here’s how to find more information and a trained, collaborative law attorney to work for you.   www.co-divorce.com, www.faelawfirm.com, www.collaborativepractice.com